An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call?
God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.
A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green
every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."